These protocols are designed to protect physical safety, emotional well being, and critical resources during one of the most dangerous phases of an abusive relationship: the period of separation. PRINTABLE VERSION
1. Prepare a Personalized Safety Plan
A safety plan outlines what to do, where to go, and who to contact if things escalate or when you decide to leave.
Key Steps:
- Identify a safe friend, family member, or advocate who knows your situation.
- Choose a code word or emoji that signals “I need help” without alerting the abuser.
- Know at least two escape routes from your home.
- Practice leaving quickly with essentials.
2. Secure Important Documents
Collect or copy documents and keep them in a hidden or off-site location.
Critical Items Include:
- ID, driver’s license, passport
- Birth certificates for you and children
- Social security cards
- Immigration documents
- Bank cards, checkbooks
- Medication and prescription information
- Insurance cards
- Protective orders (if applicable)
If possible, store digital copies on a hidden cloud folder under an unrelated name.
3. Protect Your Technology & Digital Footprint
Abusers often monitor phones, devices, and accounts.
Steps to take:
- Change passwords using a trusted device the abuser can’t access.
- Use two-factor authentication with a backup email the abuser doesn’t know about.
- Turn off location sharing on apps and devices.
- Check for tracking devices (AirTags, vehicle trackers, spyware apps).
- Use “incognito mode” or a safe computer (library, friend’s house) when researching resources.
4. Gather a “Go Bag”
Pack a small, discreet bag with essentials and store it somewhere safe (friend’s home, car trunk, workplace).
Include:
- Clothes for you and children
- Basic toiletries
- Phone charger + backup power bank
- Cash if possible
- Keys (car/house/storage)
- Medications
- Emergency contacts written on paper
5. Create Financial Safety
Financial control is extremely common in toxic relationships.
Strategies:
- Slowly set aside small amounts of cash somewhere safe.
- Open a private bank account or mobile wallet not connected to shared devices.
- Freeze or monitor joint credit if possible.
- Save screenshots or documents that show financial exploitation.
6. Plan the Exit Safely
Leaving is the most dangerous time—careful timing and support are essential.
Tips:
- Leave when the abuser is asleep, at work, or out of the home.
- Do not announce your plan or threaten to leave.
- Have transportation ready (your car, ride from trusted person, rideshare if safe).
- Avoid predictable patterns or places.
6. Plan the Exit Safely
Leaving is the most dangerous time—careful timing and support are essential.
Tips:
- Leave when the abuser is asleep, at work, or out of the home.
- Do not announce your plan or threaten to leave.
- Have transportation ready (your car, ride from trusted person, rideshare if safe).
- Avoid predictable patterns or places.
7. Seek Legal Protection
Depending on your situation, legal measures can help increase safety.
Possible Actions:
- File for a protective or restraining order.
- Request emergency custody for children.
- Ask law enforcement for a civil standby while you retrieve belongings.
- Document incidents (photos, text messages, injuries, threats).
8. Safety for Children
If children are involved, prioritize their physical and emotional security.
Steps:
- Teach them a code word for danger.
- Show them safe rooms in the house (no kitchens/no weapons).
- Keep a small emergency bag for each child.
- Inform their school or daycare about authorized pickup lists.
9. Housing & Emergency Shelter Options
Before leaving, identify:
- Domestic violence shelters (most provide confidential addresses)
- Hotel voucher programs
- Safe houses or transitional housing
- Family or friends who can host temporarily
- Local nonprofits that help with relocation
Keep the address confidential unless absolutely necessary.
10. Emotional & Mental Safety
Leaving abuse is traumatic, and emotional safety matters too.
Helpful Steps:
- Reach out to a counselor or advocate trained in domestic violence.
- Join support groups (online or in person).
- Build a trusted circle of friends/family for emotional support.
- Create grounding routines when stress escalates.
11. After Leaving: Ongoing Safety Protocols
Even after separation, precautions remain important.
- Update your address privately using USPS “do not forward” options.
- Inform your workplace and provide a photo of the abuser if appropriate.
- Vary your routines (commute, grocery store, gym).
- Keep records of any ongoing harassment or stalking.
- Continue using controlled communication apps for co-parenting if necessary (e.g., OurFamilyWizard).
12. Emergency Contacts
Women should always have a card or note with key numbers written down—not just in their phone.
- National DV Hotline (U.S.): 1-800-799-7233
- Women’s Freedom Alliance 24hr Hotline 281-698-0880
- Local shelters & advocates
- 24-hour friends/family contacts
- Attorney or legal aid number
- Police non-emergency line